I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just pee around me
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
