We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
