is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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