everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
