I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
