bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
