Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
