idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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