nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
two words: eviction party
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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