Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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