Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize