Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize