Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
