i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize