Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
