They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
