"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
