You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
