dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
