I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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