I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
