im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize