Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
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