he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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