i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
