what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
