she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
