Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
