Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
