the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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