Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Randomize
