I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
This house was built for laser tag.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We have so much sex to catch up on
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
