summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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