oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
