I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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