Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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