Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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