i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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