My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
