Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
