I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
did i walk over a car last night?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize