i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
