I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize