He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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