I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
