did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
