I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
