Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
