I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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