Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
