did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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