my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
