1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
