Is it normal to miss your booty call?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
