There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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