omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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