awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
