wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
should my penis look like a turkey
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
