the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Found your dick twin last night
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
