so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
