Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
