We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
