No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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