he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
