I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
