ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
