Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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