I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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