That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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