Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
