Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
birth control should be required to get into college
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
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