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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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