I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
