Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
