Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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