I can tuck mytits in my pants
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
