it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
