College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
