I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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