Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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