I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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