i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
