Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Randomize
