1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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