Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
