2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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