I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you will always have a special place in my vag
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
