He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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