Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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