the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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