the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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