Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
