i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i've created a new STD.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
