How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My liver just had a heart attack.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just gargled with NyQuil
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
